Unsolicited Parenting Advice From A Supremely Well-Meaning Yet Underwhelming Father

I just managed to restrain myself from an old-man-giving-unsolicited-advice moment in a chat with a buddy who's a new parent. But the urge...it's too powerful...I...can't...stop myself!! 

As challenging as each phase of parent/childhood feels, try to avoid the trap of saying or even thinking “I can’t wait until (they sleep through the night, they’re potty trained, they can stay the weekend at grandma’s, etc.)" 

There will be as many lasts as there will be firsts and you never see them coming - the last time they said “materwellon” instead of watermelon; last time they needed your help with bandaids; the last time they begged you to watch their favorite movie.

Find whatever joy you can during each season and phase. It's rarely difficult to see in hindsight, but it can be challenging in the moment. This is NOT to say that you should be happy and love every moment. I'm not advocating absolute (read, toxic) positivity. The challenges are real and valid. Acknowledge your frustration, exhaustion, stress, sacrifices—all of it. Just don't let that become the main storyline.

Please note, this advice is birthed from a combination of regret and finally being able to accept that my wife knew what she was talking about. I missed countless opportunities to be in the moment with my family and build the kind of relationship that I now feel lacking. I was careless with my time. I was so busy working through my own issues which manifested as a never-ending pursuit of some ambiguous and elusive approval from everyone and no one. I knew I wasn't "good enough" but no amount of effort seemed to change that. Turns out it was my own love and approval that was lacking. It's taken me years to even realize that truth, let alone cultivate what's missing.

The Irony

My years of fruitless pursuit cost me countless opportunities to be the person I thought that I was, while adding credence to the negative self-image I'm trying so hard to unwind.

 

The Poetry

This storyline is birthed from the same deficiency that caused the fruitless pursuit. I regret missing what I missed more than I relish the moments I didn't. In looking for a particular photo for this post, I was reminded of so many wonderful moments we enjoyed!

The beat goes on.