All Things Additive

I spend a lot of time beating myself up for consuming tons of media and playing video games (mostly mobile). But if I'm being honest, it's all additive for me. For example, I've been avoiding several intimidating tasks recently. My go-to distraction has been Sim City BuildIt for iOS. While this is a source of shame and self-derision in my less mindful moments, it has also revealed a truth about myself. The truth is that I have an expectation that if I spend enough time and put all the buildings and utilites in just the right place, that I can have a cool, interesting, thriving city that exists in a state of equilibrium. Like, just so. Like, OCD level (undiagnosed, but who knows?). This realization became an epiphany. The factor that brought all into focus is the "feature" allowing users to launch disasters. Evidently this is designed to make the game more fun and interesting, but to me, it feels like a frustratingly superfluous way to ruin the perfect city for which I've been striving. This realization also revealed that I have a similar belief outside the game— that if I work hard enough and make all the right decisions, that I can check everything off my list and life can be perfect. I know this is ridiculous and unrealistic, but I can feel that it's a belief in my gut. Which explains the frustration I feel when I can't finish everything on the list and some things aren't perfect. So, thanks to Sim City BuildIt, I have a clearer picture of the reality of my own unspoken expectations, and I can work to shift that awareness to more realistic expectations.