Better Late Than Never

Miles David Landis was born at home on June, 9, 2008. He was 8lbs, 4oz, and 20" long.

Jen started labor at Ani's gymnastics class at 11am. On the way home they stopped at the park because Jen had already said they would. Justin came home from work at about noon. Ani watched the Wizard of Oz while Jen and Justin got the house tidied up and lunch prepared. Occasionally Jen would pause for a contraction, then keep on about her business. Justin started putting Ani down for a nap around 1:20, but she didn't actually go to sleep until 3:00.

While Justin was in with Ani trying to help her sleep, Jen was in the living room
From miles's birthlaboring by herself. Bekah Townsend came by with some food, and a few minutes later, the maintenance guy for the apartment complex came by to check the air conditioner's output temperature. He seemed a bit perplexed by the shower curtains duct taped together and covering the carpet. Being unsure of how the landlords might feel about a home birth in one of their units, Justin kept the purpose for the curtains on the "d-l." Luckily, he didn't ask too many questions, and left without incident. Jen had retreated to the bathroom to shower while he was there, so she resumed her posture, kneeling next to the couch and resting her head on it's pillows.

Detrah, the midwife, came, with her daughter, around 2:oo. They began getting everything set up. Contrary to what some may think, Detrah was very well-prepared for a variety of issues. She had needles filled with various emergency medications, an oxygen tank, and other supplies that, thankfully, never saw the light of day during this delivery.

When Ani fell asleep, Justin came out to help Jen in any way he could, mostly by shutting the hell up and getting her a drink. Less than 15 minutes later, Jen felt like she was going to start pushing. Two contractions later, Miles's head was completely visible. It took one more push to get him all the way out. This description makes the whole process sound quick and relatively easy. It was quick, but far from easy. Jen labored courageously, gracefully and pretty quietly.

Ani slept through the whole ordeal. When she awoke from her nap about 4:30, the majority of the mess was cleaned up. Jen was in the bathroom washing herself and Justin was holding Miles on the couch. At first, Ani didn't realize what had happened. She saw the inflated birthing pool and the shower curtains on the ground. She was excited but she wasn't sure why. She wanted to go for a swim in the pool, but Justin finally got her attention for long enough to explain that he was holding her new brother in his arms. She climbed up on the couch next to him, covered her eyes with her hands, and then removed them quickly saying, "peek-a-boo!" The moment was not captured on video, but those present swear that he cracked a smile.





ps. the official birth album (and source of the song in the video) is Meme by Milosh

Job Hunt

As both of my regular readers are aware, Jen, Ani, Miles? and I are moving back to Sandpoint on July 1. My current order of business is to find temporary work. I've got some more permanent options in the pipeline, but this particular pipeline is proving challenging to navigate from 1000 miles away.

Most likely I'm gonna get a serving job. It'll leave my days mostly free to pursue my other endeavors, and yet still provide a decent, if still modest, financial return for time invested.

Also, I just landed, hopefully, a web design job that will offer some nice extra cash in the meantime. I'd love to do that, so if either of you know of someone, particularly small businesses, needing web work done, I would be excited to bid the job. I just need something to get us through the first month or so. By that time, there should be some light coming out of my pipeline.

The Overdubs, on Stage and in Print

Friday evening, last, I played my first show with The Overdubs. Ryan and I have collaborated, as The Overdubs on several songs, and even an album that we never really saw fit to release called "Old Mission of the Sacred Heart."

So Friday, we played a benefit show at Kuppajoe to help raise momeny for a remodel, and it was incredibly fun. We played much better than I expected we would, though it took me three songs or so to start getting comfortable. But by the end, we were pretty tight, all playing the right chords most of the time, and the songs are really developing as we learn to play them, as a band.

We were also in the paper on Friday. The 7 section of the Fresno Bee featured an interview with Ryan. You can find that interview here. I'm not sure how many people saw it, but it feels like a momentum builder. Unfortunately, I'm leaving in 6 weeks, so I won't be around for the momentum built. However, we are playing at the Starline in Fresno on June 10. And I'm plaing in Sandpoint at the Pend d'Oreille Winery on August 1.

Enough Playing the Field, It's Time to Commit

I just read a great archived post by Penelope Trunk, who is one of my favorite bloggers, about the potential benefits of blogging. I got excited when I saw the title because I love blogging. Unfortunately, my biggest weakness is imperative in the successful blogosphere. I don't have a "topic." I've been thinking about this issue for some time, actually. Even as the author of the blog mine feels a bit scattered sometimes.

So I'm looking for a topic. Some of the top contenders thus far are...okay, the two I've thought of.
-Christian spirituality: This seems like a natural fit after 6 years as a pastor. More than ever before, I have a ton of questions about spirituality and I'm increasingly dissatisfied with the answers I've accepted in the past.
-Living debt-free: I like this idea because it's something our family values. Plus, we're living pretty lean to maintain this ideal. It seems like blogging about it might make it feel like it's paying off now, rather than in the future when I'm not paying off today's debt.

That's what I've got so far. Any ideas?

By the Way, I Passed the 200 Mark

just a tiny celebration for the fact that I've written over 200 blog posts. When I started blogging over a year and a half ago, I hoped I'd make it this far. Now I have. Hooray! I had to take the photo on the sly because I'm in speech class and I don't want to be asked to share what I'm "so happy about."

I Wish I Were Here

This would make for quite a week. I had big plans to follow the action online as there are several notable ways to do so, from blogs to tech cab confessions. Unfortunately, there's a virtual pile of school work to keep me busy all week as well as some side work I need to find time for.

On the bright side, I have a job interview with Geil Enterprises to possibly work in sales. While this prospect is daunting, I think I will be really good at sales, as long as I believe in the product I'm peddling. And so far, I've been very impressed with Geil, notably their A-Maz line of natural, biodegradable cleaning products.

I'm also playing at Sequoia Brewing Company on Saturday at 8pm. I'll be doing the usual mix of originals and covers. Should be fun. Come on out for dinner.

How to Work Through Family Problems

First of all, family problems can only be "worked through."  They cannot be "solved."  The issue probably more about learning to recognize and appreciate what the other person thinks and feels about the contentious issue.

This post is focused on adult family situations.  Using the following tactics with a 2-year-old are less effective, though quite comical as my wife and I have learned.

1. Listen more than you talk.  You may have heard the adage, "you have two ears and one mouth for a reason."  This is crucial in interpersonal communication, and especially true in conflict resolution.  It will both allow you to genuinely hear what the other person is saying, (provided you're actually listening instead of formulating a really biting comeback) and it will also help the other person to feel that they've been heard.
2. Affirm the other's thought and feelings.  Remember that you don't have to agree with them, and probably don't, about why they're upset.  The fact is, they are upset for some reason, they attribute that, at least in part, to you, and whether you agree or not, they do feel that way.  Even if you're completely innocent (which none of us ever are) you can at least apologize for the person having gotten that impression from you, or for the fact that they feel bad at all.  An apology goes a long way to making amends.  It also gives power to the other party, and this is key.  This is a conflict RESOLUTION, not a who-is-wronger competition.  In a healthy relationship, both people give relational power to the other.  This is called vulnerability and it is important.  Apologies cool tempers and act as a verbal olive branch to the other person.
3. Look at yourself from their perspective.  Imagine if you had done to them what they did to you.  (But you would never do such a thing because you're not that...)  Just imagine if the tables were turned.  Now imagine how you would want that person to respond to you, NOT how you think they'd be justified in responding to you.  My brother used to joke that the "golden rule" was "do unto others as they do unto you," instead of the more agonizingly painful and frustrating, "treat others as you wish they'd treat you."  I have some very close friends who I didn't invite to my wedding.  It was not an intentional slight, but the wedding was far away and we had to cut down the guest list and I just somehow thought they wouldn't really care anyway.  When I spoke to them next and told them I got married, they were obviously, and rightfully, hurt that they were not invited.  However, because my friends are people of high character, they didn't spend time making me feel more guilty.  Instead, they treated me with grace.  

These three steps are far from exhaustive, but they'll make a great starting point.  Remember that working through issues is a long and arduous process.  Depending on the issue, it may take months or even years to fully move beyond it.  But by practicing these three simple (but really hard sometimes) behaviors, you'll find that over time conflict resolution will become easier and more productive.  

You'll also find that when you do these things, others will likely follow suit.  Don't expect it right away, but commonly an apology elicits an apology, and when a problem is heard, it gets a little smaller.  Coming from a guy who's screwed up a lot and forgiven a lot, it definitely gets easier over time.

Morgan Spurlock is a Genius

I've been spending some time at hulu.com while working on my homework. I stumbled across 30 Days, which I'd heard of before, on the site. I watched all the episodes posted there and am fiending for more. The show is poignant, edgy and provocative. I'm also impressed at how the producers seem to want to enlarge a person's perspective, rather than simply shift it to fit theirs. This episode is a great example.

A conservative Christian guy from Michigan lives in San Francisco with a gay guy for a month. There doesn't seem to be a lot of agenda-setting as much as watching a person with limited experience recognize that there may be more to life than good and bad. If you'll pardon the pun, it turns black and white into a rainbow. (oh snap)

Anyway, here's the episode. It's worth a watch. Also, I don't know if hulu's still invite only or not, but if it is and you want an invite, email me and I'll see if I have any more to give away.

It's as Frustrating as it is Disgusting

This morning was spent designing a careful plan to bath, apply medicated lotion, and get the hell out of our house for 72 hours. Ani has scabies, and it's spreading. So far, Jen and I haven't seen any evidence on ourselves, but Ani's hands and feet are not looking good. We treated it a week ago, but it continued spreading. So this time, we're not going near our place for 72 hours, which is apparently the amount of time it takes scabies to die without a human host.

So, Jen and Ani are in Davis with her brother and sister-in-law. I'm at my folks' house. We've got to beat these little &^%$#s or we're gonna go crazy.

We spent the morning bathing strategically, just before the clothes in the dryer were finished, so we could go straight from towel to fresh clothes, out the door. Hopefully, this'll do it.

Eat Ferrero Rocher!

I Just Wanted to Prove That I Haven't Been Slacking, Just Busy

Below you'll notice a long post that will be of little consequence to the average reader. Truthfully, as I read this chapter I found the information enlightening and would be happy to discuss any of this, but if I hadn't written it I don't think I'd read it. (That's some debilitating self-talk, which is one of my specialties)

So I haven't been neglecting my blogotory duties out of any malicious intent or sloth but have simply been busy with other priorities like school, studying and trying to work enough hours to ensure the most basic of Mr. Maslow's ascribed needs are provided for my family this month.

Enjoy the outline.

Looking Out, Looking In Chapter 4 Outline

I. How can we define emotions?

A. Physiological Factors: measurable bodily changes

i. If someone feels fear they may experience a rise in blood pressure, increased adrenaline secretions, elevated blood sugar, slow digestion, etc.

B. Nonverbal Reactions: observable changes

i. Blushing, sweating, facial expression, posture, vocal tone, etc.

ii. Not always caused by emotions. Research has found that specific nonverbal reactions can created physiological changes.

C. Cognitive Interpretations: the mind plays a crucial role in determining emotional states.

i. The physiological reactions to many emotions are similar so we give certain symptoms a label at a given time.

1. Elevated heart rate in a romantic situation means attraction

2. Elevated heart rate resulting from being robbed means fear

ii. Exaggerated or inaccurate attributions of emotion may be problematic

1. If I feel nervous speaking publicly I may say, “I feel a bit shaky but that’s to be expected.”

2. I may also say, “I feel nervous. I’m a nervous person.”

3. Attributions of physiological symptoms can have lasting consequences.

D. Verbal Expression: there are times when one can’t rely on perceptiveness to understand emotions.

i. Verbalizing helps to clarify intensity of feelings

ii. May also clear up misconceptions due to a person’s overuse of specific words

1. If chocolate chip cookies are “fantastic” then how does it feel to fall in love?

iii. Inability to talk about emotions constructively can lead to problems

1. Social isolation

2. Unsatisfying relationships

3. Feelings of anxiety and depression

4. Misdirected aggression

E. Influences on Emotional Expression: most people prefer not to express their emotions

i. Personality

1. Extroverts report more positive feelings in everyday life

2. Introverts report more negative feelings in everyday life

ii. Culture

1. Our responses to situations are influenced by our surroundings and traditions.

2. Americans say “I love you” more frequently and to more people than other cultures.

iii. Gender

1. Women tend to be more “in-tune” with emotions than men by 10-15%

2. Emotional sensitivity governed by several factors

a. Whether communicating with same or different sex

b. Power balance in the conversation – less powerful person is better at reading powerful person than vice versa

iv. Social Conventions

1. Unwritten social rules govern our emotional expression

a. Salespeople smile at obnoxious customers

b. Students are rewarded for being submissive and respectful

v. Fear of Self-Disclosure

1. Revealing emotions can be scary, especially when bucking social conventions

vi. Emotional Contagion: the process by which emotions are transferred from one person to another.

1. We “catch” each other’s emotions like some social virus

F. Guidelines for Expressing Emotions: Learn to express emotions constructively

i. Recognize your feelings

1. Being aware of and identifying one’s emotions allows one to learn to manage those emotions

ii. Recognize the difference between feeling, talking and acting

1. Understanding the difference between having feelings and acting them out can help one to express oneself constructively in tough situations

G. Expand your emotional vocabulary

i. Expand your emotional vocabulary by:

1. Using a single word “I’m angry”

2. Describe what’s happening to you “my stomach is tied in knots”

3. Describing what you’d like to do “I want to run away and hide”

H. Share Multiple Feelings

i. Despite the commonness of mixed emotions we often express only one – the negative one

I. Consider When and Where to Express Your Feelings

i. It may be worth waiting until you’ve processed your feelings and rehearsed your response

ii. You may choose never to express certain feelings

J. Accept Responsibility For Your Feelings

i. Instead of “you hurt my feelings” say “I feel hurt when you do that”

K. Be Mindful of the Communication Channel

i. Email, face-to-face, text messaging, blogging, etc.

ii. The channel used to communicate makes a difference in how others interpret our message, especially in communicating emotion.

II. Managing Difficult Emotions

A. Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions

i. Facilitative emotions lead to effective functioning

ii. Debilitative emotions detract from effective functioning

iii. One difference between the two is intensity

1. A certain amount of anger can be constructive

2. Rage usually makes matters worse

B. Sources of Debilitative Emotions

i. Physiology

1. Temperament

2. Involuntary responses

ii. Emotional Memory

1. Seemingly harmless events can trigger debilitative feelings if they bear even a slight resemblance to troubling experiences from the past

a. Example: Ever since being teased when he moved to a new elementary school, Trent has been uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations

iii. Self-Talk

1. What we tell ourselves about interpersonal exchanges directly influences what they mean to us

2. Rumination: dwelling persistently on negative thoughts that, in turn, intensify negative feelings.

C. Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions

i. The fallacy of perfection: the belief that a worthwhile communicator should be able to handle every situation with complete confidence and skill

ii. The fallacy of approval: it is vital to get the approval of virtually every person

iii. The fallacy of shoulds: the inability to distinguish between what is and what should be.

iv. The fallacy of overgeneralization:

1. The first type happens when we base a belief on a limited amount of evidence

2. The second type happens when we exaggerate shortcomings

v. The fallacy of causation: based on the irrational belief that emotions are caused by others rather than by one’s own self-talk

vi. The fallacy of helplessness: satisfaction in life is determined by forces beyond your control

vii. The fallacy of catastrophic expectations: if something bad can possibly happen, it will.

D. Minimizing Debilitative Emotions

i. Monitor your emotional reactions: recognize when you’re feeling debilitative emotions

ii. Note the activating event: figure out what event triggered your response

iii. Record your self-talk: analyze the thoughts that link the activating event and your feeling

iv. Dispute your irrational beliefs: this is the key to success in the rational-emotive approach­­

Last Night Was Incredible

We finally got dsl at home. (Skies part, angel choruses sing, etc.) Unfortunately I was too busy doing homework to blog. It was beautiful though. Instead of watching reruns of Seinfeld and South Park while doing homework I was able to catch up on my 30 Rock and watch the first episode of Celebrity Apprentice. It's hard for me to believe that Omarosa can really treat people the way she does and still be respected. I'm gonna assume the producers have chosen her to be "the bitchy one" and just cut the episodes to make it look worse than it actually is.

School this morning. Work after school. Home for a quick dinner. Back to school tonight. Tuesday's are my long days.

I know I keep promising more thoughtful posts. So consider this another promise. There should be some spare minutes at home when I can take some time. Also, I'm considering starting a blog called "Reflections of a Church Plant" or something like that, and trying to memorialize my experience over the last 6+ years with Cedar Hills. I got as far as creating the blog and I have several posts outlined.

5 Minutes to Class Time

i'm getting ready to start my journ 3 class. i haven't put up a decent post in wuite a while and i'm missing it. soon we'll have internet at home and i'll do something. it's just hectic for now.

here's current me.

The Key to Happiness

Also, real quick before I go. Here's a cool article about the connection between relationship and happiness.

This is 2008 But I Have No Internet Access

It's very strange to be disconnected from the world as a whole (which is how I feel). We got an apartment, we've been getting furniture from friends and I start work on Monday. School is going pretty well. After spending so much energy trying not to work after hours it's hard for me to remember to think about school when I'm not there. The good news is that I'm getting caught up and enjoying my classes.

Anywho, borrowed network, borrowed computer. It's time to get home. Home. It's nice to say that again.

WiMAX and Your Future Wi.S.P.

I heard a story on N.P.R. today about WiMAX. Apparently Intel and Sprint have been pushing it for a couple years now, but it's starting to get some more attention. The correspondent was reporting from C.E.S. and talking about its potential. Basically, WiMAX is a wireless broadband technology that allows a Wi.S.P. to blanket an entire area with broadband internet access. The N.P.R. correspondent took a ride in a car equipped with WiMAX. Obviously there was mapping capability. (I don't understand the fascination with gps mapping in vehicles. Do we really have no idea where we're going? Maybe I just haven't tried the right system.) I was more interested in the streaming media possibilities. The radio was hooked into a Rhapsody subscription, putting virtually limitless music at the driver's fingertips.

The more important thing that I learned about myself personally is that I LOVE TECHNOLOGY! I could feel my pulse rising listening to the story. Imagining myself with a WiMAX equipped car, phone and laptop was enough to make my foot heavy on the gas pedal. I hope with all this schooling I am able to get a job in the technology industry somewhere. I'm getting excited already.

Fresno, Fresno, Bo-Besno

We finally arrived at our destination this afternoon around 2:30. It ended up taking 3 days since we stopped in Davis and spent the night with Jen's brother Carson and his wife Karen. It was great to spend some time with them.

Here in Fresno, it's great to see my family again. Blake was home when we got here. We had some lunch and hung out. Then Ani got to open her Christmas presents from Grandma and Grandpa. She had a blast! The family's doing well and of course very excited to see their granddaughter.

Later on we went over to Ryan and Becca's house to say hi and drop off some musical gear they're gonna store for us. It was great to see them and we're really looking forward to hanging out with them.

When it came time to unpack our two vehicles, it was all too obvious that our stuff was not gonna fit into the space my folks have available. It's a bummer on one hand, but it'll also allow us to feel more settled with a place of our own. We're looking for something cheap and decent so if you've got connections, hook us up. we're looking in the $600-$700 range within biking distance from Fresno State. Got a couple leads and we'll follow up on Monday.

More updates will be forthcoming. Hopefully I'll be sharing that we found a great place, I found a great job (another thing I'm looking for) and school is beginning without much excitement. I guess we'll see what happens.

moving day...almost

I got to bed shortly after 1 last night. This morning we went over to Larry's house for breakfast with him and the Daughertys (Jen's sister's family). It was a great morning, if a little early. We spent the rest of the day packing, cleaning and more packing and cleaning. My wife is a dynamo. During this pregnancy she's really been needing her rest. The late night combined with the early morning and the tons of work to do, she was incredible.

We were trying to leave on Wednesday but decided that with the errands we have to run and our strong desire to make the trip in 2 days instead of 3, we'll just leave on Thursday. I think we're gonna spend the night with Jen's mom tomorrow night in Spokane. We'll be an hour and a half closer.

Delirium is setting in as the 10 o'clock hour begins. I'm gonna try to get a bunch of photos of the trip. Hopefully I'll remember.

A Great New Year's Eve

(warning: no-caps post)
jen and I went over to jason and jen hauck's house for a new year's eve party with eric & nicole, bryce & melissa (happy new year's!!! it just turned midnight) and bob & april. it was such a fun night. we started with some fondue including venison and beef in oil as well as bread in molten cheese. we moved on to a very sophisticated wine tasting. unfortunately, i'm the low-brow member of the group. i had to have my pregnant wife smell each glass to tell me if it was any good or not I had some company with bryce, who is also not much of a wine connoisseur.

the wine tasting finished nicely with just a hint of a buzz. we moved rapidly on to catch phrase where the women proceeded to make the men look like women (a sexist way of saying the women kicked our testostorized asses) we spent a large portion of the time rolling in laughter over what eric thought "beaver cleaver" meant. let's just say he had no idea it was a television reference.

it was a great night. i had a conversation with melissa that got me really stoked about public relations. i'm gonna study p.r. at fresno state and am stoked to see what comes of that. she convinced me of a few key things.

1. being in p.r. doesn't mean pimping companies that suck. she is very intentional about choosing great clients who offer a great product and challenging those who she thinks could use a little more brainstorming.
2. being a p.r. rep doesn't mean pretending to be an objective person and claiming a product is great. full disclosure is an important aspect to what she counsels her clients to embrace, and i'm all about that.
3. being myself can be a plus. i am not good at kowtowing to "the man" and i also suck at pretending to be something i'm not. my online persona matches my real life persona pretty well. i used to think my online persona was too playful and goofy, but i am a playful and goofy person. a professional persona online would definitely confuse any potential employers and possibly land me a gig that i would hate and do a bad job at.

thanks melissa for the info. i'm very excited about the possibility of telling people about incredible new companies and getting paid or it. hopefully his whole public relations thing will work out.

Farewell Cedar Hills/Eric & Nicole Rust Are Incredible People

Today was my final day at a Cedar Hills Sunday gathering for a while, and probably last ever as a staff member.

I moved to Sandpoint in 2001 to start CHC with Eric and Nicole Rust. In 2004 I married my wife, Jen and in 2005 we had our first child, Ani. Our second baby is due in May of 2008. Needless to say, my life has changed dramatically during my tenure at CHC. I've learned a lot about myself. I've become very familiar with my weaknesses. In more recent years (maybe even months) I'm starting to recognize and embrace my strengths as well.

At this point, I hope I don't ever take a paycheck from a church again. While there are many great aspects to working for a church, the challenge of balancing "work" and "ministry" is not one that I negotiate well. I look forward to being involved in ministry in the future as I definitely believe God has used me for His purposes. I just want that to be on a volunteer basis.

Throughout the past 12 years of my life there has been a constant source of friendship. Eric and Nicole came to Fresno and became the youth pastors at the church I grew up in. After I graduated high school I worked as an intern for Eric with the youth ministry. I went out of town for college for a year or so, but then they called me and said they were moving to Sandpoint, Idaho and wanted me to come do music for a church they were planning to start. It's been over 6 years since we moved up together. We've been friends through the birth of both their kids, Courtney & Mitchell, my wedding, my first child, Ani, both of our first house purchases. On a list of "important life events" we've been friends through several.

Thanks Eric and Nicole for the friendship, leadership, kindness, generosity and love you have shown me and my family throughout this time when our lives have been entwined. As we enter this new era, I hope that what I become is a reflection of the great things I've seen in you and your family. Thanks.