I don't know why but I'm in a bit of a funk today. I have to be careful in these kinds of moods because they feel so pervasive and I can easily lose perspective on life. I like to think that's because I'm a creative artist. Maybe I just need to grow up.
Today's malaise is likely the result of a combination of factors.
- I had my last day in the office on Thursday and while it was a good normal day, there was no real closure to it. I don't have a sense of being done. Technically I'm not. I'm playing on Sunday, but I should be pretty much done and yet I feel as though there are ample loose ends still needed to tie up. I couldn't tell you what they are though. I think I'm just worried that the little things I did will catch people of guard and get dropped. Some of that's natural but I've been working hard to minimize it. I hope I did a decent job.
- I'm ready to start something again. The past several months have been about finishing, leaving and saying goodbye. I'm ready to say hello and start something new.
- This time of transition has left me without a sense of accomplishment. I've always struggled with that in my job too because with an ultimate goal of "transformational growth" for people, how can one ever know if that job is done? Currently though, I just don't have a sense of being able to actually complete anything. It's all dangling, waiting for the next step.
- I'm worried that 2 families living under one roof is going to be tough on my wife. Jen is pregnant and in the midst of a huge transition. That doesn't make for a relaxed person. She's feeling a strong sense of wanting somewhere to call "home" where she can have the space that she needs and just be who she is. At this point that looks to be farther on the horizon than she's really comfortable with. And if she's feeling stress, then so am I. I really hope I can finish school in a year.
- I feel very frumpy, out of shape and unattractive. I know that kind of stuff shouldn't matter and I also know that men really aren't supposed to sweat it, but today, that's just how I feel.
Tonight will be a blast. We're having a going-away party with the band and tech team from the church.
Tomorrow will be fine.
Even this afternoon things will probably start looking up.
It's hard for me to stay down for long.
I'm starting to feel better already.