9.04.2007

farewell grandpa

i'm gonna take a short aside from the vacation mini-series that i was thinking about posting cause it's been a strange week. i found out this morning that my grandpa died. he's been very ill for quite a while, and honestly his death should come as more of a relief than anything. his last few weeks were very uncomfortable for him as his body worked up to give its formal resignation. my dad told me that when he was in florida visitng, my grandpa had been in pain. when the drugs kicked in to kill the pain, grandpa went to sleep. when he was alert he was hurting, and so the cycle went. so thank God he's died now and begins the next leg of his journey.

on saturday night a friend from church, rich herman, died. he'd also been weakening for quite some time. he hadn't eaten anything in over 40 days. he had cancer that had been threatening to take him for years, in fact i don't think this is the first time he was given no more than a couple weeks by doctors. but they were finally right and he cast off sometime saturday evening, i think.

strangely, both of these events are withing spitting distance of my own recent recognition of mortality. i see the world around me with eyes that i've never used before. this might seem stupid, but i'm finally starting to fear death. i think it's sort of like how parents are never afraid of monsters. it's not because they're so tough or strong, it's because they know there's no real danger there. the same way young people don't fear death. well, i'm officially not a "young person" anymore. i'd be out of place at any college party. not yet creepily out of place, but definitely sadly out of place.

so, goodbye grandpa. i wish i knew you better. you taught me some memorable and valuable lessons about how to be a patient husband on a long shopping trip. you also taught me not to take life too seriously. i guess i don't know how exactly like i don't remember any specific times or anything, but it seems like he was the type who'd be equally comfortable at the kids and adults table. i love you grandpa.

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